The question is,"None-Monogamy! Is it Poly or Propaganda?"

Q: Personally I hate when a person uses poly as a tool for personal gain and/or control. I have seen a so-called poly lifer date whoever he wants, but their partner cannot see anyone else but him. It seems like brainwashed bullshit to me. What's your take on the dynamics were the man is poly and the woman must accept it but not be poly herself?
A: WOW. I am sensing a little gender bias here, LOL! All right, let’s start out with a few hard facts. Globally and historically, in polygyny (which means one man with multiple women) and polyandry (one woman with multiple men) both have been traditionally one-sided. It wasn't until Swingers, NSA and Swappers began using the term “polyamory” as an umbrella term for all non-monogamist relationships that this idea of “fair” became a part of the poly ideology. I would also like to mention that since the “poly” terminology has been modified to be inclusive of all non-monogamous relationship forms, the more traditional forms of Poly have become vilified in the eyes of our own community.
I feel that people should be able to love as many people or as few as they wish, without the moral judgments of others—especially judgment from those who love so similarly. As long as no one is being harmed, their relationship is their own. That being said, I totally understand what you mean. I don’t think that anyone should be forced into any situation, but what I think is lacking in your scenario is the woman’s personal responsibility not only for what she does but for what she doesn't do in that relationship. So here is how I see it:
1) If the woman in this story knew prior to getting into the dynamic that the person she was joining into a relationship with was poly, then she has to fully have personal accountability for continuing to form a dynamic with that person.
2) However, if her partner became poly while in they were in a dynamic together and the woman agreed to continue in that dynamic, then again she has to assume a personal accountability for the situation.
3) If the person never agreed to her partner being in a poly dynamic while in a relationship with her, then her partner is a cheater. The problem in all these scenarios, from what I see, is that the woman wants her partner to change because she is unhappy but he won’t or she won't change either, so they are stuck in this cycle of pain. 
In any of these scenarios, the only way for her to deal with this issue is for her to take responsibility and either walk away from the dynamic or stay and learn how to adjust to the dynamic as it is. Remember, she has a voice and that voice has power, but what she doesn’t have is accountability to herself, and she is not being responsible for her own happiness. It’s like the old story about the dog that lies on a nail... You don't have to move them because they will move when it hurts bad enough; or they will just lay there and endure it. Either way, it’s all about personal accountability and not about force or control.

O

{Orpheus Black is a sex educator specializing in Poly, D/s and M/s Dynamics. He is also a, professional and lifestyle Dominant, and alternative lifestyle speaker in Los Angeles. For more information on classes or speaking engagements please email him at orpheusandindigo@gmail.com}