I am trying to compromise between breath play and asphyxiation with my dominant because he prefers the former and I the latter. I would say we're a work in progress and that I am unwisely letting my frustration get the better of me. What do you think?

First, let's talk about the difference between the two activities. Erotic asphyxiation in the intentional restriction of air for sexual gratification where as breath play is the restriction of the blood. The odds of you passing out as a result of asphyxiation are rare. Most people are able to fight long enough to get some air and not lose consciousness, where as with breath play I only need 5 to 8 seconds until the person is unconscious.

I would propose to you that you prefer asphyxiation because it gives you the opportunity to fight and that you will eventually be released whereas the breath play will put you in a position were you have no control and that you will not get away. You have a problem with letting go of control.
I would support your belief with the fact that you said that you let your frustrations get the best of you. Those frustrations usually arise when there is a lack of trust, confidence in and/or respect. Getting into a dynamic with a Dominant is like a trust fall, when you let go you have to know that the person will catch you when you fall. If you don't, letting go becomes frustrating, and even tedious.
The truth of the matter is that a Dominant's sole duty is to motivate you to do not only what is best for him but what is best for you and the dynamic you are both creating. He does this by inspiring trust. He must cultivate your confidence in his skills, abilities and especially his responsibility. Lastly he commands respect.
Once all these pieces come together, you will have no problem with letting go because you will know that he will catch you and then negotiations will be over.


O

{Orpheus Black is a sex educator specializing in Poly, D/s and M/s Dynamics. He is also a, professional and lifestyle Dominant, and alternative lifestyle speaker in Los Angeles. For more information on classes or speaking engagements please email him at orpheusandindigo@gmail.com}