Question: "Is it fair for a Dom to hide things from his sub to be or a sub he's vetting?
A: First, I think we have to get rid of this notion of fair. If you want fair, stay vanilla and try to find a 50/50 relationship. You will probably be more happy.
Next, the concept of proof is a problem because most relationships are faith based ( Belief in the absence of proof) and when a person needs proof, it's usually because of a lack of trust. And if there is no trust there is no relationship.
But, Lets be honest, everyone has a private or cordoned-off area in his or her life and honestly, if you were completely happy with the relationship, you wouldn't pay that area of their life any attention. But, when you are not happy, you will feel like you have to know what's there; hence the need proof that's acceptable to you. And if you don't receive it or if the information you receive doesn't line up in the way you like, it will interfere with every aspect of your relationship.
I think that the key to your issue is going to be acceptance. In Judo there exists a term called Uke, or "the person that is receiving the technique." Being the Uke is very difficult because it requires that we not defend ourselves even though we may get hurt. Being a Uke requires faith and acceptance. It also requires that a Uke let go of all peripheral matters and just submit. In this way, being a Uke is a lot like being a submissive.. And just as the Uke has to practice the art of trust, acceptance and submission, so does a submissive.
So my advice would be this: Are the unknowns enough to make stop seeing the person that you are considering? If so - then you should leave. If you are not - then you should let go of the issues and accept your situation. Have faith that its going to get better and submit to the dynamic or walk away.
O
