Things I Learned about BDSM and Slave Training from Thomas More’s Book Utopia ( Part One of many)

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Recently I decided to begin a journey of mind and body. So almost six months ago, I decided to not only get my body fit, but to begin expanding my mind as well. I made a resolution with myself that I would read one book a month for six 6 months. Honestly, the task was more about setting a goal and sticking to it and less about the book; but when I began Thomas More’s book Utopia, I was floored by its relevance to not only the plight of people in our modern-day society but by its direct correlation to my pursuit of cultivating a holistic approach to BDSM and slave training.

Thomas More wrote Utopia in 1516 in Latin, as was the rage back then. The book served as a social commentary on the state of affairs in England at the time. What More did was polarize the way England was governed by contrasting it with the laws, religion, social structure, etc., of an imaginary place called Utopia. To me, this book serves as a road map for anyone who wants to govern themselves justly—a family or a civilization.

The first thing that stood out to me was the idea that punishing people for behaviors that they have developed as a result of education or conditioning since adolescence is wrong. Thomas More writes,“[If a person is] corrupted from their infancy, and then [you] punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded from this, but that you first make thieves and then punish them.” 

Punishing a sub for behavior that has not only been tolerated but has been reinforced for years by their parents, previous partners, Dominants and their community, is not only morally reprehensible but is only going to exacerbate and/or reinforce the underlying issues. Slave training is all about reprogramming a person in a way that is not only beneficial to the relationship but is also beneficial to the wealth, health and well-being of the sub/slave that is being trained.

So not only does the dominant have to have a firm grasp on his sub/slave’s mental and emotional landscape, he also has to have the patience to navigate this mindscape in a way which will not only reaffirm the ideals of the dynamic, but will also provide a safe and stable foundation for growth.    

      

Because many of the sub’s mental and emotional issues will manifest themselves as “Bad Habits” a dominant has to be well versed in managing habituation. Habituation loosely refers to a specific set of learned behaviors that manifest themselves usually as a negative reaction to some sort of perceived negative stimulus. For example, if a sub feels sad, he or she may eat ice cream to feel better. When a sub gets frustrated, he or she may begin to yell or argue. When a sub feels emotionally vulnerable, he or she may withdraw. These are often habits that have been cultivated over years and in some cases have been detrimental to their health, their relationships and their self-worth. So, addressing habituations that are not only detrimental to the relationship but to each individual in the relationship is the main priority of the dominant and should be the ultimate focus of slave training— but, the prime motivator used to curb or dissuade the sub from these behaviors should not be punishments that are corporal in nature if they are to be ethical and mutually beneficial.

Sinn Love and Orpheus Black In Rough Sex 2

Slave training from a holistic perspective should be looked at more as rehabilitation, not just behaviors which need to be stamped out at all costs. In fact, a lot of the work that is done in a training scenario has much more to do with the Dominant and not the sub because most of the subs habituations rely on a trigger so a dominant has to be aware of his or her own actions that may feed into the triggering of these habituations. Again if the dominant is the cause of the manifestation of the bad habit then the dominant is also partially to blame. I think it’s important to view slave training from the perspective of chemistry. You can place two volatile chemicals together as long as they don’t trigger or react to each other in a way that can prove dangerous.

When slave training, a dominant has to not only have a path for the sub/slave to follow but the patience to guide them along this path. The Dominant has to know himself/herself and his/her triggers so that he or she can see when they are reacting negatively to stimulus as well. In this way the dominant knows when the sub is triggering his or her habituations. If a dominant allows them self to be controlled by the triggering of his or her habits then he or she is a slave to those emotions and is what I like to call “Bottoming Out”.

Bottoming Out means that the dominant is allowing the sub’s behavior to dictate not only his actions, but his mental and emotional mind set. We see this most often with Daddy Doms and baby girls. If the sub wants a spanking she acts out and the dominant has to spank her. The question is would the dominant have spank her in that moment without the sub acting out. If not then the sub is passively dictating the dominant’s actions. While this is a somewhat harmless example there are many other ways a dominant can Bottom Out. They can Bottom Out of fear, jealousy, obligation, cowardice, loneliness, self-loathing etc.    

A dominant can Bottom Out of even more negative emotions such as anger, vengeance or avarice which are definitely not conducive to the training process because these specific emotions can cause a person to lose all control and that’s when people get hurt. Remember, any punishment that is administered under these circumstances, whether it is corporal or otherwise, can be construed as abusive in the mind of a sub. The definition of abuse as it pertains to D/s M/s  and SM Is defined as, “any physical, psychological or emotional act that is deemed  by the person receiving it as being excessive in nature or malicious in intent is abuse.”

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This is why they idea of a sub being able to act out in order to receive some kind of physical correction is also wrong because it conditions and reinforces the idea that a dominant can physically correct them based solely on their prevailing emotional state and this is wrong. I think what is important for a sub to remember is that just as a sub can be conditioned to behave badly, so can a Dominant.

The process of working with habituation should be an organic process. A Dominant should start with removing their actions that trigger the sub. If the problem still persists, then the Dominant should wait until the behavior happens again. Then the Dominant should acknowledge the behavior and give the person the opportunity to see it for themselves. If the behavior happens again, you institute a punishment as a deterrent to the behavior. From that point on, each time the behavior transpires, the punishment should become more severe in nature. This should completely weed out the behavior if not minimalize the bad habits. If it doesn't  then you may want to begin a dialogue about divesting, i.e. releasing the sub from his or her commitment to both the Dominant and the dynamic.

I think the heart of the matter is twofold. Let’s start with the idea that if you remove the stimulus that triggers the bad behavior and the behavior continues the Dominant has either misdiagnosed the issue or the Dominant is not able to supply the sub/slave with the proper environment that is conducive to his/her growth or the proper motivation to make the changes that she or he has to make in order to be a productive member of the relationship. Either way, dissolving the dynamic has to be seriously put on the table.

It is very important that a Dominant is able to not only develop a curriculum to bring about the desirable changes that he or she wants to see in their sub, but also be able to supply the sub with the proper motivation and inspiration to fuel those changes. So, if the sub is not advancing or even moving in the opposite direction a Dominant may have to contend with the fact that he or she may not be the right Dominant for that submissive.

Sinn Love and Orpheus Black In Rough Sex 2

As a Dominant, I would much rather have Dominants realize that either their skills and/or abilities are not effective, or that they as the love interest don’t hold enough sway in the heart and mind of the submissive to affect any real change in his or her life. As opposed to the Dominant issuing rules and forcing compliance that will affect change for the worse.

A Dominant has to keep in mind that most habituations are defensive in nature and traditionally have been used by the sub to protect the sub physically, mentally or emotionally. So, imposing a martial state of affairs in the relationship will only heighten the sub’s inclinations to protect themselves and perpetuate a cycle of passive or active resistance toward authority.

This is why the current approach to slave training is fundamentally flawed, because the current method of training will only result in an under-utilization of the best part of the submissive.

And from a moral standpoint, “It is wrong” as Thomas More wrote, “to deprive someone else of a pleasure so that you can enjoy one yourself.”  However, if the rules that are instituted are intended to highlight a sub’s natural attributes, as opposed to only suppressing his/her bad habits, then a sub will naturally flourish under the guidelines because the new guidelines now revolve around them doing what they love to do and they will be more inclined to pursue their duties with a passion simply because they find it pleasurable. In this way we not only institute rules and guidelines we are incentivizing every facet of their service. 

In closing, mutual pleasure, self-sacrifice and reciprocity are the three keys to any long-term relationship, be it one that is based on vanilla ideologies or Dominant/submissive ones.   

Orpheus Black

{Orpheus Black is a sex educator specializing in Poly, D/s and M/s Dynamics. He is also a, professional and lifestyle Dominant, and alternative lifestyle speaker in Los Angeles. For more information on classes or speaking engagements please email him at orpheusandindigo@gmail.com}