How to Write an Ethical Sub or Slave Training Manual: First Step Growth.

First let me say that it is a vanity to think that any dominant or any human causes emotional physical, psychological, mental or emotional growth in another. That's like taking credit for the growth of a tree you planted or the growth of the grass on your lawn. All living things grow in one way or another, and when that thing stops growing we call it death.

That being said, Growth happens regardless of what we say or do. So when a dominant says that they have to see growth in their sub what they really mean is that they want to see development or progress in a specific area. But this has less to do with the sub and more to do with the dominants ability to lead, inform, nurture and reward.

Remember the job of a dominant is not to make you grow but to inspire you to grow in a specific direction. But how does the dominant do this?

Step one: A dominant should create safe guidelines for the process of training as well as create ethical checks and balances on himself so that he doesn't compromise his integrity or harm his sub in the process. An example of this would be to write out your training manual and that begins with the summary page.

" The goal of Sub or Slave training is to guide and nurture the subs growth in a way that is conducive to the over all relationship as well as the subs own best interest. "

Step two: The next thing that needs to happen is that the dominant has to outline the process for handling negative issues that may arise. The process should say who can determine what is an issue and what isn't? Who determines who should and shouldn't be involved in the process of correcting the issue? The method that the dominant is going to use to correct the behavior and what is the intended purpose of the correction.

Personally I believe that the sub must be a part of the overall process. They have to know what the issue is, what problem it's causing or may cause and they have to want to do something about it. An example of this would be.

" When we determine that there is a psychological, emotional or behavioral issue that we feel maybe detrimental to the relationship or any individual therein then, we will establish sustainable and maintainable goals that are intended to either manage, reduce or remove the behavior all together. "

Step three: Create a process around rewarding the sub or slave for continuing to grow in areas that are mutually beneficial to the sub as well as the relationship. In The BDSM lifestyle we get so hung up on correcting bad behavior that we forget to reward good behavior. This is important because all behavior thrives on the attention that it's given so if you stop feeding the problem the behavior reduces dramatically but, if you undervalue the behaviors that are mutually beneficial to the relationship then that growth will be stunted as well. So it is very important that we don't feed one behavior and not the other. So a persons training manual has to outline a reward system. An example of this would be:

" the dominant will always provide a reward for behavior that is mutually beneficial. The first and most basic reward is acceptance of ones service and or offering. The next reward is praise for deeds or sustainable behavior that goes above and beyond the dominants expectation. The third reward is gifting or rewarding the sub for accomplishing overall behavioral goals. All rewards are are given when the dominant feels that it is warranted not when the sub feels that he or she deserves it. "

The first few pages of the training manual are instrumental to setting not only the tone and pace of your training but creates expectation that will be placed on both the sub and dominant. This insures that both partners are working equally as hard to reach the goals that are in the best interest of the relationship and not anyone individual.