Can a sub ask or request to be collared?

Q: Can a sub asoor request to be collared?

A: Yes they can but the decision to issue a collar is solely on the Dominant. In my opinion, the whole collaring process is in line with the marriage process. 

Dating / vetting: This is the time during which a Dominant gets to know a sub. This period may include play, sex, etc.. But more than anything, it involves a lot of intimate conversation about:




1.) what I want in a sub / slave.
2.) what she wants from a Dominant
3.) What training will be involved.
4.) what the D/s or M/s relationship will look like. 
5.) what role they will play in my life.
6.) What role I will play in theirs.
7.) What are their hard limits as well as why they have those limits.
8.) What are my limits and why I have them. 
9.) What are my wants, needs, and desires and can she satiate them.
10.) What are her wants, needs, and desires and can I satiate them.

To me, it's very important that during the vetting / dating stages, both Dominant and submissive talk about the issues that contribute to a long-lasting relationship because the next stages are all about devotion and commitment.

Consideration Period or Training Collar / Engagement or Promissory Ring: This is the stage in which both Dominant and submissive get the opportunity to try the relationship on for size. This is when both the Dominant and the sub establish a time when the sub is in service to the Dominant. This means that she/he will abide by the rules and guidelines set forth by the Dominant for a predetermined amount of time. Once that time frame has been met, both Dom and sub will determine if they want to continue in the dynamic, or divest. 

If the couple chooses to continue on this journey, then they will usually start talking about a collaring ceremony and what that will mean in the relationship.

Collaring Ceremony/ Wedding (Ring): A collaring ceremony is a bonding ritual used by Dominants and submissives to not only solidify their relationship, but to be recognized by friends and by the community as a committed relationship.

This ritual, in my opinion is such a beautiful and sacred event that it shouldn't be entered into lightly. To me this should be looked at as a lifelong commitment so, both Dominants and submissive should take as much time as needed to consider carefully each step in the process.

That being said I, on average take about a year of consideration and yes, people have asked me to collar them before the year was up but, in the long run I know that they are just looking for the fantasy and not the reality of being in a real love relationship. And this means that they are not for me.

By Orpheus Black

{Orpheus Black is a sex educator specializing in Poly, D/s and M/s Dynamics. He is also a, professional and lifestyle Dominant, and alternative lifestyle speaker in Los Angeles. For more information on classes or speaking engagements please email him at orpheusandindigo@gmail.com or you can see more about him at www.orpheusblack.com}