Finding & Accepting Your Path to Submission
Making this inner pilgrimage is so important because the lessons learned and the processes created, are the skills which will be needed in order to embark on a lifelong journey with others.
The first step along the path is admitting that there is a want or a need to do something - a desire to embark on the journey. When I first started on my path to acceptance, I did everything I could to make it impersonal. I convinced myself that this was what I did, but it was not who I was. So, I did the deeds and went through the motions but I could never truly evolve past a certain point... until I admitted to myself that dominance was a part of me. Eventually I realized that I was denying a part of me, and that denial was preventing me from growing as a whole human being.
The second step is navigating how one feels about himself. In the beginning, I found myself judging not only my every thought and every move, but harshly judging others because they enjoyed the same things I enjoyed. Admittedly, there was some serious self-loathing occurring within myself and I not only destroyed some friendships, but I also destroyed a few good relationships in the process. The severity of the self-loathing was so powerful that it directed me to try living a vanilla lifestyle for a short time. But that particular part of me would not be denied.
The third step is a serious self-examination. I reviewed all of the reasons for which I both loved and loathed that part of me. I then realized that that part of me just fiercely longed to be embraced.
I discovered that it wasn't my own morality which I was using to repress myself. Rather, my self-repression came from how I thought others perceived and viewed my wants, my needs, and my actions. I was negating myself through the use of biblical references which didn't exist, and through social constructs that I had never heard. It was all in my mind. As a Dominant, I had to learn the most fundamental rule of submission - the process of letting go.
If a Master has never been through this process, then he can't help his slave through her process. Letting go is the most important lesson which everyone in our lifestyle will ever learn.
In our lifestyle, we need to be able to let go of offenses which may happen. We may need to let go of a friend or a family member who may disagree with our choice of lifestyle. We may need to let go of previous ways of doing things; of familiar comfort zones or safe places; of traumas or victimizations. We may need to let go of old teachings, training, or habits that are no longer conducive to our current situation or journey. Most of all, we may need to get let go of one another.
I've heard the phrase many times - "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill the Buddha." The road, the killing, and even the Buddha are all symbolic, meaning that each individual must learn how to let go of person, place, or ideal, in order to develop his own understanding of that person, place, or thing. Yes - each person is led and instructed along his journey, but it is still his personal journey.
So in summary - submit to the path. Hold on to what is needed and learn to let go of what is not needed. Everything else can weigh a person down while pursuing that journey. Orpheus Black
