I heard BDSM isn't all about the sex and I would prefer not to have sex with a Dom prior to being owned because “No one buys the cow if they can get the milk for free!” Right?

Regardless of the lofty ideals some may have about this lifestyle, BDSM is now and always will be a sex-centric lifestyle so sexual compatibility is very important to most D/s and M/s dynamics. Mind you, there is something to be said about companionship, dedication, loyalty etc... but when it comes down to it most of us are here because we couldn't find intimate and sexual compatibility in the vanilla world. So let's not try to make BDSM out to be too much more than what it is. (Wink) Truth of the matter is that most people are looking for a companion(s) that shares their unique proclivities and that's it.

But I do understand why you would prefer not to have sex prior to a commitment.... you don't want to be used and who does? But, truth of the matter is that if the Dominant was going to "hit it and quit it" before the commitment he was going to do it after the commitment. Because that’s just the type of guy he is.

So in closing, I don't think that anyone could accurately determine if "they're a good fit & want a commitment in this lifestyle with one another if they don't have all the facts. And one of those facts is... can you satisfy my sexually.

Orpheus Black

{Orpheus Black is a sex educator specializing in Poly, D/s and M/s Dynamics. He is also a, professional and lifestyle Dominant, and alternative lifestyle speaker in Los Angeles.For more information on classes or speaking engagements please email him at orpheusandindigo@gmail.com}