What is a Consideration Period and do I have to do one with all potential subs?
First of all, let’s establish what a Consideration Period
is. A Consideration Period is a predetermined amount of time that a Dominant
and submissive use in order to find out if they are compatible.
The main role of the dominant is to not only to provide the
sub with tasks but to instruct and guide the sub along the path that he/she has
laid out. This is the Dominant’s opportunity to demonstrate that he/she is a
caring and skilled play partner as well as an ideal leader that is more than capable
of leading him/her.
Then after the predetermined time has passed they decide if
they will continue or if they will part ways. It should be a very simple process
but all too often the simplest things are the hardest things to do.
Let me give you an example. I met this sub in one of the
fetish meet up groups and we started dialoging. We were
texting back and forth. She was sending me dirty photos of her and telling me
everything that I wanted to hear. So, after a few weeks of this I mentioned
that I wanted to do a consideration period. She loved the idea so I went into
details as to what that means to me and she accepted. So I had her change her online
profiles to say that she was under consideration and I did mine.
Well, not even 24 hours went by before she changed it back (without
telling me BTW). When I talked to her about it she told me that she believed
that she shouldn't have to be taken of the market in order to be under consideration.
Not only that, she felt that the consideration period was her opportunity to
see which Dom she wanted to keep. In other words, she wanted all the freedoms
of a single sub without the commitment while she considered the possibilities
of a being owned. But honestly she is not the only one.
There is this growing idea that the “consideration period”
is the dating period. Were the Dominant is supposed to take a sub out for
dinner and movies… then if the time is right they may play or even have
sex. But that doesn't work for me.
If one gives the sub the idea that our dynamic is going to
be all about fun dates and the dominant doesn’t keep that going, the sub may
later on feel that the dynamic or the Dominant has changed. As my grandfather
use to say, “Don’t start out at a level that you can’t maintain.” Also, the
dominant may be establishing a pattern that correlates sex and play with vanilla
incentives such as dates.
To me every aspect of a D/s dynamic is a consideration
period. I am considering if I want to train you, collar you, discipline you or
reward you. Hell, I won’t lie, sometimes I am even considering if I like you.
And if I don't like you, I have to decide how to fix it, if I want to fix it or
consider releasing you. So, it is my opinion that a consideration period is
really not realistic.
I mean the whole idea is that in 30, 60, 90 days someone is going
to reveal their true nature and that is going to cause some paradigm shift. Let’s
call the whole Under Consideration
thing what it is, “Dating with perimeters”.
Here is how I think it should go: Dialogue with me on the
phone or on line for a bit. Let’s see if we think we are compatible. Agree to
meet, talk, negotiate.... Then choose to enter into an ownership agreement were
I own you for a predetermined amount of time and at the end of that time we can
say yes we want to be in this or no we don’t.
If we do then we can make a few adjustments or leave it as
is. Point being, is that I need you to know exactly what it’s like to serve me
and not date me. I need you to know exactly what you are getting into. I need
you to know what it means to be in high protocol D/s situation. I need the
community that we are a part of to respect our dynamic so that we can have the
space to create our relationship. I need you to know how it feels to submit
fully. I need you to know what it’s like for me to use your body in the way
that I want.
Let’s call it "Leasing with an Option to Buy" or
LOB for short (lol). I know that sounds a little harsh but it’s the best way
that I know of, in my opinion.