What is a Consideration Period and do I have to do one with all potential subs?

First of all, let’s establish what a Consideration Period is. A Consideration Period is a predetermined amount of time that a Dominant and submissive use in order to find out if they are compatible.

 During the Consideration Period the sub and dominant are essentially in a committed dynamic and each are expected to act accordingly. Often the Dominant issues daily, weekly or monthly protocols for the sub to follow which can include journaling, domestic chores, prostration, mantras, and can even extend into play and sexual service.

The main role of the dominant is to not only to provide the sub with tasks but to instruct and guide the sub along the path that he/she has laid out. This is the Dominant’s opportunity to demonstrate that he/she is a caring and skilled play partner as well as an ideal leader that is more than capable of leading him/her.

Then after the predetermined time has passed they decide if they will continue or if they will part ways. It should be a very simple process but all too often the simplest things are the hardest things to do.

Let me give you an example. I met this sub in one of the fetish meet up groups and we started dialoging.   We were texting back and forth. She was sending me dirty photos of her and telling me everything that I wanted to hear. So, after a few weeks of this I mentioned that I wanted to do a consideration period. She loved the idea so I went into details as to what that means to me and she accepted. So I had her change her online profiles to say that she was under consideration and I did mine.

Well, not even 24 hours went by before she changed it back (without telling me BTW). When I talked to her about it she told me that she believed that she shouldn't have to be taken of the market in order to be under consideration. Not only that, she felt that the consideration period was her opportunity to see which Dom she wanted to keep. In other words, she wanted all the freedoms of a single sub without the commitment while she considered the possibilities of a being owned. But honestly she is not the only one.

There is this growing idea that the “consideration period” is the dating period. Were the Dominant is supposed to take a sub out for dinner and movies… then if the time is right they may play or even have sex.  But that doesn't work for me.

If one gives the sub the idea that our dynamic is going to be all about fun dates and the dominant doesn’t keep that going, the sub may later on feel that the dynamic or the Dominant has changed. As my grandfather use to say, “Don’t start out at a level that you can’t maintain.” Also, the dominant may be establishing a pattern that correlates sex and play with vanilla incentives such as dates.     

To me every aspect of a D/s dynamic is a consideration period. I am considering if I want to train you, collar you, discipline you or reward you. Hell, I won’t lie, sometimes I am even considering if I like you. And if I don't like you, I have to decide how to fix it, if I want to fix it or consider releasing you. So, it is my opinion that a consideration period is really not realistic.

I mean the whole idea is that in 30, 60, 90 days someone is going to reveal their true nature and that is going to cause some paradigm shift. Let’s call the whole Under Consideration thing what it is, “Dating with perimeters”.

Here is how I think it should go: Dialogue with me on the phone or on line for a bit. Let’s see if we think we are compatible. Agree to meet, talk, negotiate.... Then choose to enter into an ownership agreement were I own you for a predetermined amount of time and at the end of that time we can say yes we want to be in this or no we don’t.

If we do then we can make a few adjustments or leave it as is. Point being, is that I need you to know exactly what it’s like to serve me and not date me. I need you to know exactly what you are getting into. I need you to know what it means to be in high protocol D/s situation. I need the community that we are a part of to respect our dynamic so that we can have the space to create our relationship. I need you to know how it feels to submit fully. I need you to know what it’s like for me to use your body in the way that I want.

Let’s call it "Leasing with an Option to Buy" or LOB for short (lol). I know that sounds a little harsh but it’s the best way that I know of, in my opinion.