Follow up questions for, "What kind of sub am I?"
Is the Dominant too lazy to get to the good part?
In the analogy, the Dom didn’t choose the sub that had the shell off because he didn’t want to work to get at what was inside but, because he could appreciate the fact that when the second sub chose to come to him she took the time to prepare her offering. She took the time to strip away the pretense and the superficial and only presented him with the most important part because while the outside was beautiful it was still useless to him and no longer needed by her. She was ready for true acceptance.
Isn’t entering into any relationship a gamble?
While you could assert that all relationships are gambles and some people are just better at calculating risk than others, it would also stand to reason that a person can better calculate risk if they have all the information available which is why the Dominant in the story welcomed the sub with the shell off.
The vanilla world (Vanilla world means a society or group of people that don’t or won’t publicly partake in alternative lifestyle activities, traditions, protocols etc…) is riddled with people that have the "You are stuck with me now” mentality! These are people that either want you hooked on them sexually, emotionally or financially attached before you get to see the real person. But this lifestyle and this analogy are both wrapped around BDSM and in BDSM we strive for transparency and one of the main ways a sub becomes transparent is through her vulnerability. So if transparency and vulnerability is what we strive for then it stands to reason that the hardest part of the relationship is who is going to get naked first (so to speak.) In the analogy the sub had the courage to expose herself and offer up the soft vulnerable parts of her nut and herself without even asking for anything in return. This is trust. This is bravery. And that is the power of vulnerability.
Ironically some people think that that it’s the Dominant’s job to strip away the layers and teach them how to be open but the truth of the matter is that nobody can train you to be open and vulnerable; that’s something you have to do for yourself. All a Dominant can do is provide you with an environment that is conducive to your blossoming. But the truth of the matter is no amount of coxing is going to make your bud open. It’s all up to you.
The vanilla world (Vanilla world means a society or group of people that don’t or won’t publicly partake in alternative lifestyle activities, traditions, protocols etc…) is riddled with people that have the "You are stuck with me now” mentality! These are people that either want you hooked on them sexually, emotionally or financially attached before you get to see the real person. But this lifestyle and this analogy are both wrapped around BDSM and in BDSM we strive for transparency and one of the main ways a sub becomes transparent is through her vulnerability. So if transparency and vulnerability is what we strive for then it stands to reason that the hardest part of the relationship is who is going to get naked first (so to speak.) In the analogy the sub had the courage to expose herself and offer up the soft vulnerable parts of her nut and herself without even asking for anything in return. This is trust. This is bravery. And that is the power of vulnerability.
Ironically some people think that that it’s the Dominant’s job to strip away the layers and teach them how to be open but the truth of the matter is that nobody can train you to be open and vulnerable; that’s something you have to do for yourself. All a Dominant can do is provide you with an environment that is conducive to your blossoming. But the truth of the matter is no amount of coxing is going to make your bud open. It’s all up to you.
Don’t I need the shell to protect my heart?
Take the shell analogy and look at it this way, the new sub discards her shell in the same way a baby bird does. She discards it because she doesn’t need protection, she needs a connection. See, even though the shell is protecting something precious inside it is also preventing that precious little thing from connecting and experiencing. And yes, it is scary. And yes, there is some pain but there is also a lot of happiness and joy and the shell that’s protecting you is preventing or at least dampening that experience.
What happens to the shell after it’s been shed? I think that depends on how the dynamic turns out. If things go great you just may forget where you put the shell and never need it again. If things go badly you may never discard it again. To me the point of being vulnerable is, in a nut shell (pun intended ), the essence of the BDSM lifestyle and that is to first acknowledge that all pain isn’t bad and that giving yourself to something greater than you is not weakness. In fact, it takes more courage to submit to someone completely than it does to engage in physical combat because wounds to your body heal but wounds to your heart mind and soul will always be there.
Why would a Dominant select someone with so much to discard?
Again staying with the story, the sub came with no layers so there was nothing to discard but you do raise a good point. The truth is that it all comes down to personal preference.
I would have to ask myself, do I want a sub that is open or hard to crack? Do I like a sure thing or am I looking to gamble? Do I want to see what I am going to get or am I going to leave it up to chance? Personally, I like to see what I am getting into so that I can accept the responsibilities that are associated with it. If I am not fully aware of who you are at your core then how can I give my consent to be with you? Keeping the shell on may leave me, as the Dominant, deprived of the ability to make an informed decision.
I would have to ask myself, do I want a sub that is open or hard to crack? Do I like a sure thing or am I looking to gamble? Do I want to see what I am going to get or am I going to leave it up to chance? Personally, I like to see what I am getting into so that I can accept the responsibilities that are associated with it. If I am not fully aware of who you are at your core then how can I give my consent to be with you? Keeping the shell on may leave me, as the Dominant, deprived of the ability to make an informed decision.
Should I be vulnerable with everyone?
I’m not saying that subs should be this open with all Dom’s because all Dom’s are not worthy of such a gift. What I am saying is that when you choose to give your gift, remember what part is most important.
