What kind of sub am I?

Sybil Hawthorne and Orpheus Black, with  Force Life Photography

Every now and then I will hear Dom’s trying to classify different types of subs… this one is this type of sub and that one is that type of sub and the truth of the matter is that subs are like nuts…. And there are only 2 types of nuts in my opinion and that’s shell on or shell off.

Let’s just say that there are two subs and both subs want to win over the same Dom. Both subs hear that this Dom loves nuts but no one knew what kind. The first sub gives the Dom her nut and says, “This nut is like me, Sir. The outside is beautifully adorned and flawless, the texture is smooth to the touch and perfectly shaped.” The Dom looked it over and called for the other sub.

The second sub gave the Dom a nut that was demure and completely shelled. She said, “This nut is like me, Sir. I have prepared it for you by discarding the hard outer shell so that it is completely exposed and available for you to do with as you please.” The Dom accepted the second sub.

The reason the Dom accepted the second nut was because the nut that the first sub gave, although beautiful, was hard to open and the Dom thought that maybe it required tools that he may not have in order to open it. And even if he was able to get through the tough outer walls he was not sure that he would want what was inside.

First, I would like to say that the story doesn’t highlight two different subs for the purposes of saying that one is better than the other but was intended to draw attention to the fact that each sub was at a different point in their submission.

The first sub, although what she presented was beautiful and shapely, still needed the tough outer shell to either protect or hide the precious thing that was inside. But why? Was it because she wasn’t confident in what was inside? If that was the case, then maybe she needs to look inside herself to evaluate whether what was inside was truly worth offering. Or was it to protect the most precious part of her? If so, then maybe she should just wait until she felt comfortable enough with giving that part of herself freely.

To me, being introspective is one of the most important aspects of a subs growth. Remember that the way of submission “is not about invulnerability, but absolute vulnerability…” (Dan Millman) It is this vulnerability that leads to experiences both good or bad and it is this experience that leads to growth and understanding of not only whom you are but who you are going to become. There is no middle ground in life so there is, in my opinion, no middle option for the subs in my analogy.

To me, it is the duty of each sub to learn how to be completely open with not only their Dom but themselves. Remember what’s on the outside is only the attractive package that entices a potential Dom but it is what you have developed within that will keep him.

Lastly, I’m not saying that subs should be this open with all Dom’s because all Dom’s are not worthy of such a gifts… What I am saying is that when you choose to give your gift… remember what part is most important.