Orpheus, please elaborate on ways to work with subs who have trauma issues?

For me working with people that have emotional trauma has to do less about the trauma and more about how the person perceives the trauma, themselves and you the Dominant. For example, I had a sub tell me that she didn't want a belt used on her because of traumatic events involving her father and punishments. Which for me provides not only a deep insight into the subs psyche, but a deeper insight into how she see's me, her and our impending dynamic.

So first question I asked was, "Do you see me as a father figure?" The reason for asking this is because I needed to see how she perceived me. If she perceived me in the same light as the abusive person no matter what I did it may be construed as abusive and the sub may fall into a space were she regresses
back to those traumatic moments. But, in this case she said, "No.: So my next question was, "Then why do you think me using a belt on you would bring up these negative feeling?"

I asked this because I needed to find out how she perceives play. I think as black people we have had the moment were we equated BDSM with slavery. Then, as we grow and experience, we realize that one has nothing to do with the other. Just as her traumatic event and what we are about to do has nothing to do with the other. She didn't really have a response... The last question I asked was a little harder and requires a lot of trust and may even cause a person to fall into a negative or even a depressed head space so be sure that the timing is right for this.... " I asked her, "When the trauma took place how did you feel?"

This always requires that a person access the, inner zombie as Cameron Ashby would say. ( The inner zombie is the part of you that never grows up, never moves on... the trauma is still very real for this portion of the psyche and there for very difficult to control  At best most people are able to lock it away and not deal with it.) And that for many trauma sufferers is hard to do. In this case she felt that she was powerless, degraded, humiliated and a few other things. (I am paraphrasing of course) It was then that I remembered that she had put that her kinky interests were these exact same things... My response to her was that she had been working on her issues this whole time by converting here emotional pain into sexual energy.... The hall mark of an emotional masochist. And that the problem wasn't me or the belt... the problem was with letting go of the shame associated with the trauma
 because it was being used to fuel sexual fantasies and desires. And, in my opinion that is something that's very hard for anyone to admit. because there is a lack of desire to let go of the associated trauma.

Like Stockholm syndrome, traumatic bonding is something that happens allot in our lifestyle and is part of the negative or in the case of  D/s dynamics positive habituation's that we as Dominants and subs have to work with.

The physical punishment protocols that I would use in this case would be as follows... Because the belt is already associated with punishment I would continue to use it in this fashion. (Why create another negative association if you don't have to.)  The next thing I would do is ask what the belt looked like and find something completely different like a whimsical multicolored child's belt. This makes sure that the that perception of the implement is not there.

The next thing I would do is put it in a box that would be dedicated to that belt. The box would be in the same place everyday. This helps cultivate ritual. I never want to take the belt off of my waist as the abuser may have so that she doesn't perceive me as the abuser.

Then, when the "live in sub" (I want to stress the live in sub part.) is bad. I would have her walk or crawl to the box and bring me back the belt. This process gives her enough time to break down either before or after getting the belt. And if there are negative feelings that are being transposed from the past in to the present punishment they could be expressed and explored.

Once the punishment begins I would be gentle in the first few weeks or months when disciplining the sub with the belt. You know a swat hear or there... as the infractions happen... Then we could gradually go harder as she begins to dissociate trauma with the belt... Dissociation is key to this process.

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Let me know what you think in the comments bellow...